I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
