Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
