he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
