I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
