I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
third nipple confirmed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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