Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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