Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it's like iHOP with fire
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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