Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hippo gnu deer
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Houston, we have a squirter
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
