Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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