sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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