JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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