im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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