i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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