i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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