It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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