Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
