I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
