Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
