She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
