Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
