I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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