Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
