Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
