My brain says no but my pants say off.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
