i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
