i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
