I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sober January is a disaster.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize