Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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