I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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