Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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