I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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