My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I party with great urgency now.
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