you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
