i may or may not be watching the land before time
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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