You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
