I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
