Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I can text with my tongue
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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