I love black thongs
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
