I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i've created a new STD.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
