They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm bleeding and have questions
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