Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I looked at my own cervix.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
