We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just want nice things and good sex
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
They are going to name an STD after you.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
