You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
