Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
