the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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