69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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