If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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