I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
