apparently the secret to your success is patron
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sext me about skeletons
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
