i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
