you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
