dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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