He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
we should paint friendship bongs
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
