Where are you?
In a non slutty way
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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