It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
