we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
