someone get that fucking seahorse.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
