either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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