true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
