Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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