HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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