I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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