We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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