what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
