It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
