I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
