JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
