when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
