Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
