the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
